In Search of: Authenticity as a New Mom

I thought about following a bunch of accounts to pick up the vibe before I started writing, but then I thought, “That’s not the point.”

I’ve spent the last few years hiding within the walls of a TikTok I never posted to or commented on—just scrolling and scrolling my FYP, enjoying the mind-numbing (and sometimes insightful, curiosity-building) algorithmic beauty injected straight into my eyeballs. No real character development over here, just a good long “pause” while my body built life, grieved loss, and craved that precious sleep stuff.

The direction I’m headed in 2025, however, is in search of authenticity.

I’ve strayed too far from my authentic self, I fear. For someone who was labeled “weird” as an imaginative young kid on the playground, I’ve certainly done a lot of conforming in adulthood.

Of course, young adulthood is, in many ways, about conforming, right? Fellow millennials will recall wearing stilettos from Wet Seal in the snow and forgoing coats on the way to the club, overworking ourselves to the point of wearing our under-eye bags as a badge of pride, and eating plate after plate of overpriced kale, cauliflower, and brussels sprouts—all trends we endured. Some of these memories bring back collective joy; others bring reminiscing sighs of exhaustion or frustration in the dreams we were sold falling way short.

Whatever way you slice it, however, landing in your early 30s without much of a solidified individual “self” to claim can feel like a sudden splash of cold water on your weary face. This feels extra potent as someone experiencing motherhood, which already shakes and strips your identity to its core. Can anyone relate?

So, yes. Substack in 2025 is about stopping the scroll, starting to ponder and rewire my brain, discovering, and writing. And, oh yeah, doing all that as a mom to two under two, on the hunt for my next career move, living in the beautiful, icy Midwest, feeling just a little bit cooped up. I do have my own interests and hobbies, some of which I hope to explore more, write about and share here. I don’t even know if I hope I’m talking to anyone here when I say this; although, if I am, I do hope at least one person can relate.

Anyway, in the quest for authenticity and self-(re)discovery, I’m going to stand solid on the idea that I love writing. And I’m excited to be here thinking and trying and doing on my own.