I hit a new motherhood milestone this week: solo parenting both of my tiny humans - 4 months and 19 months - while my husband took a 2-day work trip. Technically, he was only gone for like 36 hours, but trust me when I say a full week has gone by.
Now that he’s back home and we’re both able to breathe a little easier, I feel triumphant, exhausted, and a million other emotions that I want to reflect on a bit here. Because, wow, did that experience stretch me.
The Setup
In my head, preparing for any significant span of solo parenting looks like the planning montage in Ocean’s Eleven or [insert your favorite heist film here]. I meticulously plot out the key actors, including their skills and backgrounds and the risks they pose to my “job.” I map the scene, noting key entrances, exits, and danger zones. And I assemble my tools and my team, providing necessary key information, while carefully planning for fail-stops and emergency switches for if when the plan goes awry.
In this instance, our actors were:
1. A sweet energetic 1.5 year old, with all his ambitions to chase and aggressively pet the cat, turn on the gas burners on the stovetop, and climb the toddler tower of which he so recently tumbled out
2. An equally sweet almost 4-month old: my little patient potato that can’t yet sit unassisted, has to be held to nap, and exclusively nurses (distractedly) every 2 hours
Obstacles
All the typical hazards of a single family home in a winter climate: bathtubs, fireplaces, sets of stairs, icy walkways, a kitchen (!!)
Managing daycare pickup with baby in tow *Need octopus quantities of arms to manage stuff and babies
A toddler potentially left unattended with skittish cat that just scratched him a few days prior
The previously noted need for little baby to nap and nurse with mama *Thankfully (?) she’s so distracted right now that sleeping and nursing can be pushed somewhat and she’ll mostly just watch her brother in awe.
The impatience of big brother - typical of a 19-month old and not at all harmful. He wants his cheese, blueberries, or tomato, right now. *This will be the most urgent circumstance to attend to at almost any point.
Double bedtime.
Assets
Daycare for my toddler. Absolutely essential. I noted in my vibes for 2025 list that we are appreciating daycare workers this year.
Grandparents to help with dinner bed and bath on night 2. Also wonderful. The best part about this is everyone benefits, because the grandparents actually *want* to do bath and bed.
An air fryer to make hot healthy food on a timer with auto shutoff. Bless the air-fryer.
Various infant loungers, blankets on the floor, and carriers
A few rooms in our house where the toddler can run around and not find *too much* trouble while mama nurses
Aforementioned patient potato baby
The iPhone notes app to plan out meals and timing ahead of time- not necessary, but a good reference tool when brain is not firing on all cylinders
The Job
There are unintended wrinkles and complications in every heist film that make the circumstances higher stakes. A high-speed chase, sharks with laser beams attached to their heads, the wealthy target popping back in to retrieve an item he forgot.
And yea, we had some of those. In this case, big brother had gotten into a tussle with our household cat over the weekend, that resulted in an infected scratch on his forehead. Said infected cut had already brought us to the Sunday evening house of worship that is our local urgent care to acquire some antibiotic cream.
Day 1 of dad’s work trip and the paid actor that was the forehead infection was giving a noteworthy performance, just about convincing me I might need to scoop the boy out of daycare and back to the doctor for something stronger. If the 2+ hours that I’d spent at urgent care with just my son didn’t take me out, a solo mission with both babies across town to the pediatrician might! Thankfully, daycare snapped a little midday forehead pic and it was looking much better.
Our second wrinkle? The 4-month sleep regression keeping baby girl up much of the night. This was more anticipated, but still challenging. Girlfriend had a decidedly rough night that made me appreciate all the little shushes and reassurances my husband provides on the side of the bed next to her bassinet on a regular basis.
Oh - and I’ll throw in a quick honorable mention to the simultaneous poops that both babies took at the exact same moment on day 1 of my husband’s absence. Truly, a work of epic synchronization that I can only really applaud on their part.
The Take
Okay, so did we actually steal the Declaration of Independence? I think we did a decent job.
I say “we,” because I truly think those little ones are equal players in their upbringing and daily successes. Both babies clearly understood the situation- that mom was on zone defense and needed a little patience. Big brother played solo in the basement while I fed little sis on the couch, and little sis lay on a cushion in brother’s room watching the ceiling fan for almost half an hour while we put on the big show that is his bedtime routine. Did they both melt down at the same time? Yes, that too. But only for about 5 minutes and we got through it without me also melting down.
The Takeaways
In all honesty, I was looking forward to this solo time with both babies for a few reasons.
I wanted to see how it felt to manage two little humans’ wellbeing for a large span of time.
I wanted to step into the shoes of a single or stay-at-home parent for a few hours.
I wanted to test my own capabilities.
And I think I did all of those things sufficiently, such that now I can and will ask for more help next time. Ha! We aren’t meant to raise our children alone, y’all.
I’m also reminded that this instance of caregiving is a 1 of 1 situation. My babies will never again be as young and needy in the specific ways they are now- not even later this month when my husband takes a longer work trip.
No challenging situation lasts forever, especially not in motherhood.
Next time, baby girl may be sitting up more on her own. Maybe she’ll be sleeping better at night or she won’t need that last nap, or to be held for it. Maybe big brother will be better able to wait for sister, to walk on his own out of school without demanding to be carried, or to stay wiggle-free and in one place while being changed into his pajamas. Whatever the circumstances, we will be just fine.
I’m reminded to appreciate the caregivers and the help I get. Our family’s 2 parent work-from-home setup is beyond ideal (for this country) and reduces the daily frictions of parenthood immensely. 36 hours feeling just a few of the tensions that many families experience on a daily basis makes me even more grateful for my typical reality.
And I’m reminded that we must each appreciate all the hard things we push through, whether they seem and feel big to others, or not. There are so many things we each do that we previously thought we couldn’t, and those accomplishments should be recognized and celebrated. On my part, I texted a few friends this morning, telling them I was proud of myself for making it through - and I’m sharing that here now, too.
To any new parent reading this, I hope you can appreciate the small and big wins you have achieved recently with your little one(s) and all that it takes to keep them safe and sound. You’re doing a great job.